Random Hot Takes (Binge in the time of Corona)

Rey Can’t Light Saber

This shot from the trailer told me all I needed to know about The Last Jedi:

A badly lit fighter in a pooping squat, flailing a 25,000° C plasma blade like a bat, with the camera shoved up her nose. From this shot alone I have deduced that the writer, director, cinematographer, lightning supervisor, fighting choreographer, and actress have all lost the will to make something beautiful for me to enjoy. This clip was not only written, but also shot, and kept in the movie, with everybody being apparently so proud of this triumph of cinema it was in the trailer, meaning this was as good as the movie was going to get. After watching The Last Jedi I had to agree, badly lit pooping squat flails were as good as it got.

Stop Anorexia in kids movies

Daisy Ridley weights 55kg. In this picture by picture comparison, it seems that she has lost about 10kg between episode 7 and 9. That is more than 15% weight reduction from expected body weight (EBW), which is where the DSM VI calls out Anorexia.

After falling through quicksand she is dolled up, clean cloths and hair, perfect eyebrows, no sweat, in the middle of the desert, after an explosion car chase. Let’s face it, Rey has been made into a Barbi doll.

“But this is a family film, it’s not meant specifically for little girls.” moo the Disney shills “She is not meant as a role model.” to which I retort with the quote: “Little girls will have their own Luke Skywalker” said by Katleen Kennedy, CEO of Lucas film and architect of the sequel trilogy. So “The Force is Female” lady created a pro-anorexia role model aimed specifically at little girls. How empowering.

A pro-anorexia role model aimed specifically at little girls is fucking disgusting and everybody who crafted the message of The Rise of Skywalker should be ashamed, especially Daisy Ridley, Kathleen Kennedy, and J.J. Abrams. Who fucking dare you make such a toxic kids movie? I know why you did it, you wanted to get those “40-year-old dudes” back in the seats to watch this piss, consequences and little girls be damned.

Captain Marvel Does Not Want To Be There

Why can’t Bree Larson do a superhero standup? The entire movie is about women standing up for themselves, rising to the challenge, never staying down, and the Larson can’t do a superhero standup. It’s rising from a beatdown to meet a challenge, to defend a loved ideal or person. Larson just looks angry to be there, like the inner monologue asks “Is this enough superhero bullshit for you nerds?” She glowers in contempt of the requirement of behaving like a comic book character in a comic book movie.

Having seen the movie I would like to amend that message to: “This is enough nerd shit, let's repeat the message that female empowerment is really easy, and every woman who doesn’t do it chooses to be oppressed.”